me: hey I just met you and-
me: why are you walking away

splinteryourspine:

splinteryourspine:

I just watched an old couple get into their car and set off the alarm and then try to turn it off for like ten minutes before giving up and driving away with the alarm still going off

now that i think about it maybe i just watched an old couple steal a car

dont-google-yourself:

one day im going to be too lazy to breathe and just die 

threepac:

you say “excuse me please”, I say “out of my way peasant”

did you know if you say bloody mary 3 times in the mirror at 1am your mom will tell you to shut the fuck up and go to bed

(Source: nuggits2)